Blade Runner...Survivor...Wonder Woman...Urban Legend...
A few descriptions of me over the last few
weeks...well how do I feel about them?
Very overwhelming…Larger
than life!!
Did I plan on any of this? The
answer is a plain
'No'. If you had asked me 4 years ago or in fact even before that if I’d ever
run a marathon…the answer would have been ‘No’.
The whole thing
started off with just a way to be healthy and being able to achieve the very
mundane tasks of walking, climbing up stairs, sitting and getting up from a
chair. Over a period, it just became something I began to enjoy. My legs began
to feel like an extension of my own body and not an add on. Just the pure
freedom to run, feeling free...and in some twisted way a control over my own
body!
What the hell I can't
brush my teeth on my own, but I can run without anyone's help!
These are my moments of
looking up in the sky, and saying a silent "damn you, there's no stopping
me"
And I don’t think I chose
running…Running chose ME!
Was it easy?
It was hell! A good
hell...
Well the original plan was to run
with my legs (for you guys prosthetics legs). We’ve (Coach Aiyappa and I) been
training for about two years. I wake up at 5 am and work out at
Kanteerava Stadium. I go for Pilates with Anisha Naidu 2-3 times a week. Both their primary goals has been to make my life as miserable
and tough as possible (You need to read this as "build strength and
endurance). It's been a journey - one that has required me to push myself every single day. Not just my body, but realising that it's my mind that makes me go the last 100 metres.
There were days at 5am in
the morning when my alarm rang that I questioned my own sanity "What the
hell is wrong with me?" "Do I really need to do this?".... But
something did push me! I came everyday from the work out pooped....but also
rejuvenated by the sheer sense of accomplishment and feeling that I grew my
wings...added a few bones and feathers each day....my wings of freedom!
Then the blades
arrived. We went for fitment for about a month, I got the blades about 2 weeks
and 2 days before the run.
What do the blades feel
like?
Imagine yourself on
really pointy high heels and then imagine being on a trampoline...if you are a
man who has never worn heels...I cannot explain it to you!
I look and feel
totally bad ass in them!
They gave me a natural
bounce and push. It gave me more wings.
How did I feel on
D-day?
Obviously pressure! I
feel exactly like I was going to write my board exams. There were 20k people,
the whole place was buzzing with energy.
How I felt through the
run?
It was a mixture of
emotions – like a Bollywood movie, the day had every bit of excitement, song,
dance, music, high emotions, action, love, drama!
Started slow, as it
was a mad rush of people and I did not want to fall. The first 6 kms were
great, and then I felt dizzy. We were targeting the 90 min finish, the break
put me back. At a point I was totally disappointed with myself (still am). We
then decided to finish. We had to stop twice again to adjust the legs. It was
an extremely humid day, and the prosthetics get extremely sweaty. So once your
sweat builds up, the legs get extremely uncomfortable, so we need to remove
them and put them back on. Ofcourse our Bangalore roads - just adds to the much
needed drama!
The one thing that
helped me through this besides having people that I love with me, was the number of
people through the run who cheered for me or just passed by with a thumbs up – my
running this marathon was a re-affirmation to our own selves that we survive –
no matter what!
We finished! Phew! I
was done and I just wanted to find a corner to sleep.
By the time I recuperated
I felt - Exhilarated. Relieved. Happy. Could I have done better? An emphatic
"Yes"!
Post the run I've been repeatedly asked "Why running"
"Who is my inspiration" "What motivated me" "What is
my future goal"...
When I sit back and
think...the answer is "I really don't know"
The script to my life
changed in 2012 and after that I have left the universe to take me where it
chose. I just do what I do. I do not know where I get my strength from or how I
endured it - I just do!
Did I ever plan to
run, take part in a marathon or be on the first page of a newspaper? Never ever
part of my script... it all just happened! I did not plan on losing my limbs in
the first place remember.
Why running... just
because i can! I have my wings fitted on and I don't plan to ever take them off.
Motivation... because
it is the person I am! I refuse to give up without a fight. It is in my
Malayali DNA or I'm just too stubborn probably.
Goal...only one
"be happy" “live in the moment” - NOTHING else in the world matters
One thing that's
niggled me through this entire process has been a few reactions from people
around me "She still has a big smile" "You still look
happy" "Did people treat you differently" "Do you feel bad
when you go out with your friends"
Why do we expect
someone who is disabled to look unhappy? Why do we expect someone who is
disabled to lead sad and miserable lives? Why do we not expect someone who is
disabled to party? Why do you think a marriage will fall apart after a
disability? Why don't we think that it is possible to just accept your
disability and lead super normal lives?
Clichés isn't it?
Your disabilities I've
realized are only in your mind.
